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[悬赏]求改E文作文
Harmatia@2004-02-29 14:37
我没时间看了~
要改得语法正确，意思顺畅~
先拜一个了 ^_^
Something About Amistad
I love Spielberg. I love Dreamworks. I love E.T., Catch Me If You Can, Schindler’s List, Minority Report and Saving soldier Ran. In all of them, I can find touching or shaking. I can’t forget the moving when I saw Ron’s mother sit on the ground（坐倒在地） when she heard the death of her three children. I can’t forget the impulse of crying when I saw the E.T. said ‘home, home…’ I can’t forget the pleased surprise when I found the going of plot was unexpectedly. I even feel excited every time when I see the logo of Dreamworks. That’s really for dream.
But in the movie Amistad, I found nothing. No touching. No moving. A little shaking, but no to my soul.（有少许震撼，但未及灵魂）
The story is very simple. It talked about a lawyer helped a group of slaves to safe their life. This theme looks quite like Schindler’s List and Saving Soldier Ran. Spielberg tried to show us the human nature in a special period. The heroes in his camera lens are not perfect. They seems a little bit cold, 不近人情, sometimes even selfish. But that’s a real person, not only a movie character. In the description of social contexts or big event (like the 诺曼底登陆 in Saving Soldier Ran), the director更是 trying his best to 营造 a true ambiance (气氛，氛围 ). A journalist asked Spielberg a question: ‘Will you let your daughter see the first thirty minutes of Saving Soldier Ran?’ ‘ No,’ he said, ‘ I know that scene is bloody, but I have to direct like this.（但是我必须这么拍）, because it’s history.’
I like the words he said. That’s one reason I like him besides the bike crossing the moon (it can be seen in E.T.). A director can change the history if he is directing a legend. But what he trying to tell is about the historical fact, he’d better say a satisfactory (圆满的) story. We can stand there are one hundred and three mistakes in the Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring, but a historical story with 50 mistakes in historical fact is too bad. （这句……很拗口……）
I believe that Spielberg tried to show us the truth in Amistad, there are many scenes described the extremely tragic torture of slavers (黑奴不会是black slave吧……), that leaded the movie rated R.（这导致了电影被分到R级） But when Cinque (the main actor , the leader of slavers) shout ‘Give us free!’ in the count, I can’t cover up my disgusted. Especially when he repeated again and again, the word was more and more smooth, when I believed that’s one of the 煽情点 which Spielberg set. I felt that I wouldn’t continue to see it if that weren’t one of my lessons. （这句是虚拟语气来的……我知道我的虚拟语气很差……）
I can’t believe a Cuba black slave can learn English without get touch with white frequently in very few days. I can’t believe he can speak out the words with correct grammar（哼，我都不可以呢）. I can’t believe he spoke louder and louder was because he confirmed his words were right----did he know what he was saying?
Too artificial（做作）.
What’s more, Cinque even read the Bible with his smart companion, even though they were reading the pictures (thank god, that’s an illustration one<这是个插图本>), that still made me uncomfortable. Too America（太大美国主义了）. It’s like the president gave a speech before the white house that was rebuilding in the Independent Day, or the Stars and Stripes waving in the end of the Spider Man. They are the myths that made by Hollywood. Is Amistad a myth? No.
I am an atheist; I can’t feel how great the Gods are. But it’s hard to believe that two slavers had found the country is not so bad as they thought, just because of the story of Jesus Christ. Their compatriots wouldn’t come back even America is a heaven, and their life still in danger, how can they thought like this?
Thought I don’t like this movie very much, I still have to admit that this movie still a great one. However, it shows us how cruel the slavers were treated. When we watched the movie, I can heard my classmates 倒吸一口凉气 or 发出惊叹 frequently. When Cinque was telling his ‘journal’, the scene even made they cried out in a low voice. That also the only scene made me shake. I know the slavers were very poor, but I don’t ever know they are so poor.（我知道他们很可怜，但不知道他们居然痛苦至此。怎么用英文写出来感觉就全变了……） How can the western colonist, the slaver master（我想说的是奴隶贩子，但是这个好象是奴隶主） treated the black like some death thing, even worse than the draught animal? The black are also human as the white themselves. Why their life is worthless?!
The ending of Amistad is 弥漫着悲伤. The slavers were judge innocent, they can go back to their homeland, Cuba. At last, they sit in the head of the boat, faced east, the sun shines on their face, reflect a 古铜色的光芒. Their eyes are full of hope. When everyone thought that’s a happy ending, the subtitle told us that they can’t find their families when they got home, they were disappear, maybe they were caught and became slavers and sent to other countries. Everyone in the classroom sighed deeply and sadly, including me.
They have no tomorrow at this period. Just because they are black. Some people said the world is fair, it took something from you and gave you something back.. But what does the blacks get? In the past, present, they still get the equal right to the white.
Everyone born and equal.（是这么说的么……） The Independent Declaration said. The ‘everyone’, including the black?（还是include？）
Everyone has his answer. Even you can define that black are equal to white in law（用法律来确定黑人和白人是平等的）, but the people’s idea won’t change easily. There are almost one hundred and fifty years since the civil war, but a black Oscar best actor winner still is a rare thing.（一个黑人奥斯卡影帝仍然是一件稀罕物，我忘记最佳男主角怎么说了……） I have a dream still be quoted in different conditions and works, but the black still be treated with bias.
To you, can you answer ‘yes’ directly and firmly?
Lizard@2004-02-29 15:13
i dunno why you keep shifting from one tense to the other. n u r supposed to use a period"." rather than comma after each sentence. moreover, u should use ""cannot/can not" instead of can't
im just taking out one part:
The ending of Amistad is sad and depressing. The slavers are judged innocent. they can go back to their homeland, Cuba. At the end, they sit in the head of the boat(im sure there is a term for this= =but i dunno wut is it= =), facing east. The sun shines on their faces, reflecitng a 古铜色tone . Their eyes are full of hopes. When everyone thinks that this is a happy ending, the subtitle tells us that they can not find their families when they are home. Their family members disappear. Maybe they are caught and sent to other countries. Everyone in the classroom sighs deeply and sadly while watching this part, including me.
They have no tomorrow at this period.(wut do u mean by at this period? u mean the old time or now? - u may say:They have no future during 1XXXs.),just because they are black. Some people say that the world is fair. You always get something back for what you have done. Nevertheless,what does the blacks get indeed in the past, present, or even in the future?In the past, present, they still get the equal right to the white.(i dont get what u wanna express)
Everyone are born equally,stated in The Independent Declaration. I doubt that whether the blacks are included in the "everoney".
Arael@2004-02-29 15:29
> Saving soldier Ran
do you mean Saving Private Ryan and Ran ?
Re: [悬赏]求改E文作文
myrion@2004-02-29 16:36
>When we watched the movie, I can heard my classmates 倒吸一口凉气 or 发出惊叹 frequently.
i can heard my classmates gasped at that movie.
>I know the slavers were very poor, but I don’t ever know they are so poor.（我知道他们很可怜，但不知道他们居然痛苦至此。怎么用英文写出来感觉就全变了……）
i know the slaves were poor, yet cannot know they r painful unexpectedly.
>How can the western colonist, the slaver master（我想说的是奴隶贩子，但是这个好象是奴隶主）
slaver or slaveholder
>Everyone born and equal.（是这么说的么……） The Independent Declaration said. The ‘everyone’, including the black?（还是include？）
i think it should be "all men are created equal." which jefferson wrote:):)
>but a black Oscar best actor winner still is a rare thing.（一个黑人奥斯卡影帝仍然是一件稀罕物，我忘记最佳男主角怎么说了……）
best actor-leading
Harmatia@2004-03-01 00:22
樓上幾位。。。改改全文吧。。。殘念
sunny_rain@2004-03-01 19:11
My English is not that good, so I'll pick parts to correct as well, hope it's helpful at least?? ^^"
>> They seems a little bit cold, 不近人情, sometimes even selfish.
They seems a little (I think maybe take out the 'little'? nothing major though) bit cold, (distant?), sometimes even selfish.
>> It talked about a lawyer helped a group of slaves to safe their life.
It talked about a lawyer (helping/who helped) a group of slaves to (save) their (lives).
>> I can’t believe a Cuba black slave can learn English without get touch with white frequently in very few days.
I can't believe a Cuba black slave (can't just say slave?) can learn English without *get touch with white frequently in very few days.
* Don't get this part... try "without coming in contact with White..."
>> I am an atheist; I can’t feel how great the Gods are. *But it’s hard to believe that two slavers had found the country is not so bad as they thought, just because of the story of Jesus Christ.
* I don't think 'but' would be used here, since you're saying you can't understand how great God is (by the way, Christians have only one God, I believe...)
I am an atheist; I can't feel how great God is. So it's hard (for me) to believe that two slavers (found faith in their country once again), just because of the story of Jesus Christ.
My English is poor and I haven't proofread for other people for so long, as long as I didn't make it worse...
Re: [悬赏]求改E文作文
ngo2520@2004-03-02 13:50
Here's my go at it. I am a native English speaker so I may have some difficulty with the chinese parts.
Something About Amistad
I love Spielberg. I love Dreamworks. I love E.T., Catch Me If You Can, Schindler’s List, Minority Report, and Saving Private Ryan. In all of them, I can find touching or shaking. I cannnot[In formal writing contractions should be avoided] forget the moving [Moving here is rather strange. I think that feeling would be better] when I saw Ron`s mother sit on the ground（坐倒在地） when she heard the death [This should be: heard of the death] of her three children. I cannot forget the impulse of crying ["Impulse of crying" doesn't make sense. I think you meant feeling.] when I saw the ["The" should not be here.] E.T. said ‘home, home…’ I cannot forget the pleased surprise [pleasant surprise] when I found the going of plot was unexpectedly[I realized that the plot developed unexpectedly]. I even feel excited every time when [delete when] I see the logo of Dreamworks. That’s really for dream.[I don't understand this last sentence.]
But in the movie Amistad, I found nothing, nothing touching nothing moving. A little shaking, but no to my soul.[I don't understand this.]（有少许震撼，但未及灵魂）
The story is very simple. It talk(s) about a lawyer help(ing) a group of slaves save their lives. This theme looks quite like Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan. Spielberg tries to show us human nature in a special period. The heroes in his camera lens are not perfect. They seem a little bit cold, 不近人情, sometimes even selfish. But that’s a real person, not only a movie character. In the description of social contexts or big event(s) (like the 诺曼底登陆[Invasion of Normandy or D-Day] in Saving Private Ryan), the director更是 tries his best to 营造achieve a true ambiance [The last three words sound really strange] (气氛，氛围 ). A journalist asked Spielberg a question: ‘Will you let your daughter see the first thirty minutes of Saving Soldier Ran?’ ‘ No,’ he said, ‘ I know that scene is bloody, but I have to direct like this.（但是我必须这么拍）, because it is history.’
I like the words he said[I like what he said]. That is one reason I like him besides the(scene with) bike crossing the moon in E.T.. A director can change the history(story) if he is directing a legend[Try "if what he directs is fiction"], but the story he is trying to tell is historical fact, he’d better say a satisfactory (圆满的) story[Try "he should strive for historical accuracy"]. We can stand (that) there are one hundred and three mistakes in the Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring, but a historical story with 50 mistakes is too bad. （这句……很拗口……）
I believe that Spielberg trie(s) to show us the truth in Amistad, and there are many scenes described the extremely tragic torture of slaves [Just saying 'slaves' is fine here] that leaded the movie rated R[Try "that gave the movie an R rating].（这导致了电影被分到R级） But when Cinque (the main actor , the leader of slavers) shouts ‘Give us free!’[Does he really say this? Give us freedom would sound better] in the count, I can’t cover up my disgusted[I could not conceal my disgust]. Especially when he repeated it again and again, the word was more and more smooth[smoother and smoother], which I believe is one of the 煽情点 that Spielberg set. I felt that I would not continue watch it were it not one of my lessons. （这句是虚拟语气来的……我知道我的虚拟语气很差……）
I can not believe a slave could learn English in a few days without having previous contact with whites. I can not believe he could speak the words with correct grammar（哼，我都不可以呢）. I can not believe he spoke louder and louder was because he confirmed his words were right----did he know what he was saying?[This sentence is wierd]
Too artificial（做作）.
What’s more[I think this is too colloquial] , Cinque even reads the Bible with his smart companion, even though they were just looking at the pictures (thank god, that’s an illustration one<这是个插图本>){This sentence probably should not be in the paper}, it still made me uncomfortable. Too America（太大美国主义了）.[Try It is too American] It is like how the president gave a speech before the White House that was being rebuilt in Independence Day, or the Stars and Stripes waving in the end of the Spider Man. They are the myths made by Hollywood. Is Amistad a myth? No.
I am an atheist[Me, too.]; I can not feel how great the Gods are[In context this should be God is]. But it is hard to believe that two slaver had found that the country is not as bad as they thought, just because of the story of Jesus Christ. Their compatriots wouldn not come back even[if America were?] America is a heaven, and their lives are still in danger, how can they think like this?
Thought I don not like this movie very much, I still have to admit that this movie is still great. However, it shows us how cruel the slaves were treated. When we watched the movie, I could hear my classmates 倒吸一口凉气 or 发出惊叹 frequently[This sentence seems incomplete]. When Cinque was telling his ‘journal’, delete{the scene even made} they even cried out in a low voice. That is also the only scene made me shake. I know the slaves were very poor, but I did not know they were that poor.（我知道他们很可怜，但不知道他们居然痛苦至此。怎么用英文写出来感觉就全变了……） How could the western colonists, the slaver traders（我想说的是奴隶贩子，但是这个好象是奴隶主） treat the blacks like something dead , even worse than a draught animal? The blacks are also as human the white. Why are their lives worthless?!
The ending of Amistad is 弥漫着悲伤. The slaves were judged innocent, and allowed to go back to their homeland, Cuba. At last, they sit in the head of the boat, facing east, the sun shining on their faces, reflect a 古铜色的光芒. Their eyes are full of hope. When everyone thought that was a happy ending, the subtitle told us that they could not find their families when they got home, they had disappeared, maybe they were caught and became slaves and were sent to other countries. Everyone in the classroom sighed deeply and sadly, including me.
They have no tomorrow at this period just because they are black. Some people say the world is fair, it takes something from you and gives you something back. But what do the blacks get? In the past, present, they still get the equal right to the white.{ I do not understand this sentence}
Everyone born and equal.（是这么说的么……） The Independent Declaration said. The ‘everyone’, including the black?（还是include？）[The Declaration of Independence says that all men are created equal.]
Everyone has his answer. Even you can define that black are equal to white in law（用法律来确定黑人和白人是平等的）, but the people’s idea won’t change easily.[This is not true. Under the current legal system Blacks are superior to Whites and Asians through affirmative action.] There are almost one hundred and fifty years since the civil war, [What does the War between the States (Civil War) have to do with this?] ,but a black Oscar best actor winner still is a rare thing.（一个黑人奥斯卡影帝仍然是一件稀罕物，我忘记最佳男主角怎么说了(Best Actor)……） I have a dream is still quoted in different conditions and works, but the Blacks are still treated with bias.
To you, can you answer ‘yes’ directly and firmly? [/QUOTE]
Re: Re: [悬赏]求改E文作文
Lizard@2004-03-02 14:37
引用
最初由 ngo2520 发布
Here's my go at it. I am a native English speaker so I may have some difficulty with the chinese parts.
i'll ask you for proofreading my article next time:cool: :cool:
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