Too Pure x Too Weak
It’s another April 5; it’s a rare sunny day in early spring; it’s right been a decade since the memorable 1994; it’s time again to salute the Grunge Rock King --- Kurt Cobain.
We are the 80’s,
Living under the attempt to be rebellious,
To be independent and individual.
Yet we are also the one growing up learning that we should one day adapt the society
And gradually being smoothed out into the shape we never want to be.
We used to have our own dreams, and have the wonder to be free
But many of us don’t have the courage to reach out and live in the harsh world before riding on the moon.
Bit by bit, we are lost unconsciously.
We now have more reasons to drag out our lives,
But less courage to become pure, shining and clean
They are a grunge rock band
With a gorgeous front man called Kurt Cobain
He welcomed all of us to come as friends
And rocked in this bleak smoky basement
His hysterical yet emotional voice mirrored all our pains and lapses
We saw a little of our true selves;
We cried for our sins
We again started to search for love, freedom and dreams
While listening to him singing out all our bitterness and shame
We all saluted him as the underground king
He used to be my god
So pure, shining and clean,
But weak.
He swore in his lyrics that he didn’t have a gun.
But he later sent a bullet to himself,
And kissed all of us goodbye forever.
Suddenly I started to wonder was Kurt too pure that he was weak
Or he was too weak to protect his pureness
But I never found out the answer.
Couple years later, my TV is again playing “Come As You Are”,
And the touching feeling is still as fresh as years ago.
I start to realize how many of myself I have lost during these years.
I already become one of the hound dogs in this concrete-jungle city,
And there is already another me inveterately exist in myself and this world.
I start to recall how many mottos I have practiced in my living,
Or I just end up writing them on the wall;
How many dreams I have really pursued,
Or I just end up being daydreaming.
I am someone that I don’t ever want to be.
“I hate myself, and I want to kill myself.
I guess if you are lost in the battle you desperately fighting against,
The only one thing left to do to prevent becoming eroding is to shoot yourself.”
Maybe that’s what Kurt thought before he shot his gun.
I have no incentives to live.
But I don’t have the courage to die.
And I don’t want to be a hound dog any more.
I am lost and restrained in a strange maze.
But at least, I find the way to express my disappointment and complaint.
I don’t want a surreal life
But I don’t want to live without dream either.
I guess yelling “come save me” can’t really get me out of this mess.
I’m all up to myself.
It’s time to draw a line between dream and reality and search for the balance.
Life has more to do to one self.
It’s about dream, faith, and also responsibility.
The great 80’s
How many of you have tried to be individual and have the courage to dream?
No one should be tailored into the same square person.
Dream and freedom is not only a word painting on the wall!
Express yourselves!
To mourn for Kurt Cobain is not only to bring back the songs we used to love,
But also to recall the spirits within and the golden age we have when we are still unripe apples…
Apr. 5, 2004
