我汉,题目居然没有写全
TITLE IS
39 NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
YOU’VE PROBABLY ALREADY BROKEN
1) Easy on the cheese this year.
2) Buy her flowers. For no reason.
3) Purchase only those power tools absolutely integral to a project that, if ignored, means total collapse of your home.
4) Breast size will not determine your dating choices.
5) No more being the guy at work who revels in e-mailing coworkers vicious and witty nicknames you connect for other coworkers.
6) Forty sit-ups for every beer.
7) Stop checking the DOW every hour--- you are in it for the long haul
8) Toss out the guns N’Roses, Aerosmith, AC/DC--- make room in the CD collection for Brahms and Brubeck.
9) Odor-Eaters.
10) Stop counting masturbation as aerobic exercise.
11) Go to yoga class. For the yoga.
12) During the weekly phone call with Mom, no more (a) answering E-mail,(b) playing Grand Theft Auto, (c) flipping through magazines.
13) Tell the boss what you really think of him.
14) TiVo is for Meet the Press, not cheaters.
15) Read Pilgrim’s Progress, Tristram Shandy and Finnegans Wake.
16) Stop flirting with everything that has all its limbs.
17) No more air guitar.
18) Get over the thong fetish.
19) Finally confront Dad and tell him how he hurt your feelings when he missed you swim meet in sixth grade
20) When meeting old girlfriends, don’t fixate on the possibility that you could nail them.
21) Don't feel jealous when coworkers do better than you---after all, work is a collaborative experence.
22) When ordering sides, choose vegetables
.
23) Stop flinging the board against the wall when she beats you at scrabble.
24) Resist the urge to sob when you single friend says he picked up a babe at a bar
25) Start enjoying family gatherings.
26) Listen to all things considered without getting nauseated
27) Stop thinking of other women when doing your wife; stop thinking about your wife when doing other women.
28) Dump the beer-cozy collection.
29) Eat sprouts.
30) Take advantage of the city’s vast cultural offerings.
31) Stop logging on to Ukrainianmodel farm.com
32) No more submitting drinks at nick’s titty hut as a valid business expense
33) Stop lying about your charity work.
34) No drinking except for special occasions, hump days and weekends
35) No more chat rooms.
36) Stop hurling invective at phone solicitors who are only trying to earn a living.
37) Attempt to make pleasant small talk with the office receptionist.
38) Figure out once and for all where you stand on (a) the middle east,(b) Putin and the Checknya problem, (c) farm subsildies (d) third world—loan forgiveness.
39) Launder more; go commando less.
这些可是偶辛苦打出来的,汗,
